Coming to Terms with the "Dull Ache"

I really shouldn't blog at 12:30 after I've already been asleep for an hour and a half.

This is from Inside Out by Larry Crabb:
"Modern Christianity, in dramatic reversal of its biblical form, promises to relieve the pain of living in a fallen world. The message, whether it's from fundamentalists requiring us to live by a favored set of rules or from charismatic urging a deeper surrender to the Spirit's power, is too often the same: The promise of bliss is for now! Complete satisfaction can be ours this side of heaven.

We are told sometimes explicitly, but more often by example, that it's simply not necessary to feel the impact of family tensions, frightening possibilities, or discouraging news. An inexpressible joy is available which, rather than support us through hard times, can actually eliminate pressure, worry, and pain from our existence.

The effect of such teaching is to blunt the painful reality of what it's like to live as a part of an imperfect, and sometimes evil community. We learn to pretend that we feel now what we cannot feel until heaven. But not all of us are good at playing that game.

Beneath the surface of everyone's life, especially the more mature, is an ache that will not go away. It can be ignored, disguised, mislabeled, or submerged by a torrent of activity, but it will not disappear. And for good reason. We are designed to enjoy a better world than this. An aching soul is evidence not of neurosis or spiritual immaturity, but of realism.

But, the notion that our present suffering is nothing in comparison with the glory ahead begins to make sense.

How much of my life is just pain relief? I've spent the last couple of years in search of "Christian community" outside the institutional church. Many times, I find great joy in being with people. Other times, though, I use the company of other people as pain relief. Not that I think that's too terrible. I think it's something all people do. But it does highlight for me that, in this journey to lose myself in Christ, I'm nowhere near there yet.

At the same time, I hear people use this as an excuse. "You know, Stephen, nothing's perfect." "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater." "There will be politics wherever you go." We take the cowards way out of not dealing with problems. We're too busy avoiding a family fight... too fearful of the conflict that might ensue... that we forget that knowing people intimately necessitates conflict, and a lack of conflict is not a sign of health, but a sign of a lack of intimacy and an inability to love.

So I recognize this dull pain. I'm coming to grips with the fact that no amount of "community" will make it go away. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying contact and commonality with my brothers and sisters right now, and I look forward to the next time we get together.


Note: The image for this post is "Ache" by Gary Willis. Here's an interesting article from his site.
posted by Stephen at 10:11 PM | |