A little more about Stephen

I'm sort of an oppositional person. For some reason, when things are going one way, I feel the need to go the other. This served me pretty well in the Christian subculture for a number of years, because while I was in high school it made it really easy for me to define myself by what I didn't do and what I wasn't (I wasn't a freak, and I didn't party or sleep around).

The result wasn't so pleasant when I ended up at conservative Christian John Brown University in Siloam Springs, AR.

A lot of my opposition was justified. I saw Christianity abused for selfish purposes and I saw people who claimed to follow Christ manipulate his message to hurt other people.

I feel like my current situation regarding church is the logical continuation of that. I feel like, at some level, that I'm rightly disturbed by the current condition of the body of Christ.

But at the same time, sometimes I wonder how much of it is just me being a jerk. I definitely have it in me. Sometimes I just like to be difficult.

How much of this is God's mark on my life... his making me a certain way to serve his purposes? How much of it because the devil's got a hold on me? How much of it is just me being me?

I've been accused so many times of throwing the baby out with the bathwater and having unnecessarily high expectations of the IC. I've lost a lot of that original fire and thought that started me down this journey. It's caused me to re-evaluate a lot, and sometimes I start to wonder if my accusers are right. I'm not saying I'd ever go back to being the way I was (I can't), but eventually that type of stuff has an impact on you, especially when it comes from people who you respect and care about.
posted by Stephen at 8:21 PM | |