Parenthood.

I never thought it could be such a complex issue. For all the talk of parental instincts and what not, there sure are a lot of opinions out there about parenthood. What's funnier is how these different philosophies start to resemble religious or political fundamentalism, both in their legalism and in their rhetoric about those who have different ideas.

My wife and I read the book On Becoming Babywise. Yeah, it's gotten a lot of crap. Some of it is well deserved. Some of it is made-up fear-mongering. Far from being "Babywise" people, we pretty much took some of the stuff that made sense to us (stuff that, arguably, made sense to us before we read the book, and was simply confirmed in our minds) and burned the rest. We took a few good ideas, some practical, some philosophical, from it.

1) No one wants their child to grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. Why let them grow up thinking it only to jerk the rug out from under them?
2) Parenting with the end in mind is common-sensical. Doing anything else is creating work for yourself.

Lately my wife has been looking into the "other side" of the coin, a concept called Attachment parenting. Again, some good ideas, and some stuff to leave in the book.

What has frustrated me so much, though, is how ridiculously callous, condemning, and self-righteous people can be about the disagreements. One person wrote in an online message board that anyone who follows any of the Babywise stuff was actually abusing their kids!

The guy who wrote Babywise is an ass. He also thinks that anyone who doesn't do things his way will raise total brats who will be morally rebellious and self-absorbed, or worse, anti-social.

Just like in politics, I really doubt that either side really understands the other. They're so blinded by these beliefs (which are beyond moral, meaning that they may be grounded in moral beliefs but definitely go passed what morality would dictate) that they completely close off their ability to understand the other side. It really is sad, because it leads to a lot of unnecessary guilt and pressure on otherwise good parents.

Check it out. Type the words "Babywise" or "attachment parenting" into any search engine. You soon figure out that extremism pervades both camps with little reason on either side.
posted by Stephen at 11:32 PM | |