Here's something I was given by Jesse Willard a year or so ago...she got it from mehead.com:


Holy Scripture Rewritten So That Some Tulsa
Churches Are Doing the Right Thing
by Karen McCain

Mark 11:17

And he taught, saying unto them, "Is it not written, My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? But ye have added a hundred-thousand dollar carousel and a water fountain of orange juice, so that the children might be entertained also."

Luke 22: 17-19

And he took the cappuccino and gave thanks, and said "Take this and sip it among yourselves, For I say unto you, I will not drink Snickerdoodle until the kingdom of God shall come. And he took the biscotti and gave thanks, and brake it, and gave unto them saying, "This is my body, only covered with chocolate; dip it in remembrance of me every Sunday morning before you walk into the chapel."

Matthew 6:28,29

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they drive Mercedes, dress in Laura Ashley and Armani, and wear expensive jewelry. And yet I say unto you, Mayor Bill LaFortune in all his glory was not dressed like one of these. Or was he? I forget."

Luke 20:20&22

"Is it lawful to pay tribute unto Caesar or not?" And he said unto them "Render unto Caesars what is Caesar's, then put the rest into a special church-funded credit union."

John 14:6

Jesus saith unto him "I am the way, the truth and the life; no man cometh unto the Father but by me, and also by getting the crap scared out of you at a church-sponsored haunted house."

Mathew 6: 9-13

"Our Benefactor, who is in heaven
You'd better be listening or else.
Thy kingdom better have gold or
Thy will might not be done
On earth like it is in heaven.
Give us this day a lot money-
We already have plenty of bread.
Bother us not with your commandments and
Deliver us from our credit cards,
As we sit in cafes and watch the poor starve.
For thine is the responsibility, duty, and honor
To serve us forever and ever. Amen."


posted by Jimmy at 9:59 PM | |